Waiting ...

I wait and wait and wait ...
I am waiting for my results.
I am waiting to apply a few universities.
I am waiting to start a new life abroad.
I am waiting to leave the bad memories behind.
I am waiting to become a better person.
I am waiting to be pleased.
I am waiting to meet someone new who are nice and fair.
I am waiting to start everything all over again.
I am waiting to do daring things.
I am waiting to challenge myself.
I am waiting to build my own success.
I am waiting for the perfect time.
I am waiting for the right person to help me out.
I am waiting for the time to pass, better luck will come to me.
I am waiting for some replyments.
I am waiting for some phone calls.
I am waiting for some reasons.
I am waiting for the perfect chances that will bounce to me.
I AM WAITING, will continue to wait and have them exist.

I really am sick of my mood!

These few days,matters just came straight away to me. So many problems at one time. Can you imagine how many shots i have been shot?

*~ 1st, i was being blamed by my mum. Not only blame, but being yelled by her once i put my first step out from the room. Seriously, i did nothing wrong and i got the blames from her. I felt that i am innocent, i am not the one should be blamed as i am not the one who does the mistakes. Way to innocent...

*~ 2nd, i really am stressful for waiting my results. Mood swings.

*~ 3rd, lots of matters came out together for this case. When i am angry and upset, i choose not to talk because when i talk, i will burst out the fire in me. If i really can't hold back the fire in me, i will just burst, which is not not not good (don't learn from me!).

For this case, it is related to my ex. EX is about history and i always know it. I am not jealous as i have no rights to be and also, he is just my ex. My boy friend is already"dead" for almost 3 months. I clearly know that he will not come back to me anymore. How can a dead person stay alive, unless miracles happen. I just want my ex to be sincere to me, like friends' trust. He came out with many matters and all he can say is " you know i am not sure about it...", "you know i am not good in..." and so on. After so many hints given, telling him to be true in himself, act like a man, ... He just doesn't get it. I don't want to be straight forward because i know it cuts, i try to be slow, it never help out.

Just tell me, if normal friends, can he let a "NORMAL" girl friend to view his private profile? Can he keep on talking non stop like in love with the "NORMAL" girl friend? He said he might cook for the "NORMAL" girl friend after he has the car. I don't seem him saying that when i am his gf. After we quarrel, he still can phone his "NORMAL" girl friend and talk about matters and tell her not to tell me about the call. Is this call sincere for acting he doesn't know anything?

He said i am his good friend, but, i don't see any different in between his good friends and normal friends. He said he "seriously want me back" and this is what i get from him. He asked, why don't i trust him? Now, i can answer, he makes me not to trust him. I want to and always trust him full if i could, but, every time, he just let me down. Even the last trust for yesterday just vanished into the thin air after knowing the call that he didn't sincerely say out. If he is in love with the girl, just go for her and tell me like a man Of course, i can say nothing as i am a good friend of him only. I think i deserve to know a bit more than NORMAL friends.

Because of this incident, things i don't want to recall came back to me in the midnight. Thinking all the bad memories i had. I can remember clearly, before i could let go, he has turn to another girl, giving sweet talking. I told him i will 100% let go of him in the end of December, and he does all he likes, without being considerate. Nevermind for me now, instead of waiting till December, i will let go out him now, since he wants it so much. All the matters he said, all turn to lies, lies, lies and LIES!

That is why i wrote this: I try to slow down as possible, but, you speed. This is what i can see i can never slow down, EVER AGAIN!

I know i am done too much for my anger yesterday, and i did say sorry. However, i pulled back because of another incident popped out, again. I really am tired...

I want my old life back! All the other matters, i don't want to care anymore. I am just his normal friend from now on. What he likes and dislikes, i can care no more and i don't want to tire myself to know the matters as well. I don't gain any benefits in the end of the day. Still, I don't mind to help him though i have so many complains about him. When he needs help, i will still help if i can manage. Though some of my friends said i am foolish, but, i will just help because i don't want the others to suffer like i am.

I can never say out words directly, therefore, i prefer to give hints. All the words i meant, will no longer to be useful even the things have changed, when i have said out the words. Because i somehow feel that it is not sincere. However, it is better than one does nothing.

I just want to go back to my life like the old days, sweet memories, good friends, and my happy life.

To that particular person i am saying, i am sorry to write these out. You can hate me, i don't mind. This is all i can do to destress as there is no one else i can trust anymore. All of them have betrayed me for once. When there is once, there will be twice. I rather keep everything to myself.

~*Bless Me*~

Results are coming out,soon. I really am panic because i know i didn't do quite well for this exam. I regret... Regret for wasting my time for unimportant things, things cannot be foreseen. How foolish i am. Oh well, what is done is done. I will not want and don't want to repeat the same mistakes. Learn from my mistakes then.

I really do hope my results ain't too bad as i have made out my mind to transfer to another university and i need my results to transfer the credits and get into the same university level like Monash university.

I really want to start a good new life in the new university as i don't really like my current university. Maybe it's because of its facilities? Bad memories i had there? Of course, not about my fellow friends there. I have made good new friends. ^^

Please, God bless me. I just want my results to be able to get into the university i want, i will let go something that you might want from me. I promise i will work harder for the next semester. I promise and i will keep my promise. BLESS ME ........ Thanks T-T

Learn to be an alert person in SPEAKING

My favourite phrase: ONE MAN'S MEAT IS ANOTHER MAN'S POISON

When it comes to speaking and talking, there are techniques in behind. Believe in that!

*Sometimes, you need to speak and talk about matters,else, people will treat you like you never exist, in another word, invisible. Based on the external judgements, your images will be influenced, no doubt.

*However, at times, you need to pretend that you don't know anything in order to keep yourself secure and safe. If you don't do so, you will be blamed and dragged or involved in the problems. Better pretend that you are an innocent person though you are not.

*Remember to speak like a wise person as well, don't talk bullshits when the situations don't allow you to do so, you will be shot to 'death'. Continue 'acting' based on the situations.

*Also, you need not talk for some reasons though you really feel like letting out your words , but, try to hold them back, back to yourself, don't ever burst like a balloon. Else, people will think that you are trying to 'step' on them, thinking you are an inquisitive person. Bad impression,right?!

*Do the wise speaking; speak to the right person about the right matters. Don't ever talk about the wrong topic to the wrong person, if another person finds out, the consequences ain't going to be good.

SPEAKING is important and dangerous at times. Therefore, be careful when you speak. Think twice before you act.

Don't ever cry over spilt milk. Spilt milk isn't the end of the day yet, learn from the mistakes then. If you didn't learn them, too bad, you have to bear with your sorrows and regrets till the very end of day.

What a year!

I somehow feel that things ain't going smooth for this year.Oh well,there are always pros and cons;good and bad for sure. I really do like year 2007 as there were many good memories that i will always remember them, store them and recall them when i am dull.

I really do hope things are going to turn better or good,no doubt.No more things that are less important are in me anymore.Think about the future,think about myself, think about the student's life, that is more than enough for me for now.

No matter what it is, i will try the best to reach my goals.And i will make it happen. No more love for the other part from now on, love hurts.I don't think this is the right time to accept a new one. Let it hold for some time, awhile later, then i will try. Will try to accept it when time and the right person come.