Indescribable Feelings

I think i have been working in the country of kangaroos for 3 months already,still, not quite adapting to my life here as a worker. Seniors and colleagues are leaving, will leave me as a lonely junior in this whole company. Actually, life still goes on, as dull as usual with their existences. So, i would say that life is just normal with or without those colleagues. There used to be laughter among us all, but things get fishy now thus, silence comes by. True, i will not get things as easy as ABC like before by just asking my seniors since then i will have to work through everything on my own basis, doing my own researches. Minutes back, i just got 'brain washed' from my senior, saying that i have to be more independent, stop asking all sort of questions but try goggling myself. True... in a sense but still, i would prefer to ask so since you are quite free for now and why not maximizing the opportunity to ask you so? Also, i will then do so when the time is right. Fine fine... one day for sure, i will have to prove something for sure, as a reward for things that i sacrifice for now! When my anger arises, normally it will burn till the end until ashes are formed.

I have been wondering is it the feng shui problem? Since then, i am so moody and i lost my concentration as well. In addition to that, i am not sure how long can i stand till mid of next year. Man.. a long journey to go! Let me put on my thinking cap and start using my brain to think what's the best for me. I would say MONEY! But, this option has to be eliminated for my current situation and i will get back to it in real soon, i promise. For the meantime, i am still searching what is missing inside me....... *hopefully i will find it and brighten up my following days*

Clear in my mind but my actions cannot pull it away

8.30pm
Here am i, with myself, only. I feel awful with the very first wrong step. People are saying i am lucky enough to secure such an opportunity but i see it now as a dead end! I am stucked in the middle of no where. I can't move forward and at the same time, i can't step back as well.

My heart is aching seeing myself pouring those money into the deep sea, without giving me any hopes and returns. Loneliness is part of me now, i don't have any friends but just books and books and more books. I hate my current life and at this instance, i would rather trade my credits to those in Japan. I simply willing will at this stage.

It is just a matter of time for my weaken heart to recover to its previous condition, and i guess, it will recover more when i feel the warmth of others and find myself a cup of coffee that feed-me in well.

My sadness is with me now, walking towards the darkness that i wouldn't want to go in but leave me with no choice to do so.


8.45pm
Fine fine, i am alright now! After pouring, i feel much better, back to the usual me! Man.. i seriously cannot talk about sensitive issue to my mum, really makes my eyedrops rolling down my cheeks and most of the time, Probabilty is as high as 95%+!

Hola bloggie..

Blue blue ocean, i miss you.

Well i am back again after missing for some months. This time, i would like to say something about my new chapter of life. I am no longer a uni student, no longer to attend lectures & tutes, no longer enjoy breaks that uni students have. I am undergoing a training, studying at the same time and trying to adapt myself in this new environment. Life is not as fun as previous time, but i still have to carrying on with it as i have just started man!!

Currently, i am doing 2 subjects for CPA - Advanced Tax & Financial Reporting. I would say studying by myself is so torturing, by reading page by page without having any clues how the exam questions will be like. In addition to that, since i am behind the study schedule for 3 weeks, i find it quite tough to squeeze everything into my little brain, however, i am trying my best to do so now. I can't complain anymore because it is time to grow up instantly. My mood is so darn down now, after sitting and studying for a long period but the pages just cannot get any lesser! Arrrggg.. i hate this. How i wish 1.5 years is passed by now. Still, i cannot get away from studying as there are more for me to enhance my skills and knowledge. *I wouldn't dare to imagine it*

Moreover, it is time to think about money figures/S-eleven now. How to earn them, how to fully utilise them, how to use them for better purpose in life-future. No wonder some people prefer to just study rather than work. But, i would say by doing one task, life is quite okay, however it is a totally different story if one is multi-tasking. I wouldn't say that i belong to that group *solute*, i am just in duo-tasking only. Still consider okay, aite? But but,.. not okay when i am just new, hence, i am hoping things are going smoothly and better from time to time.

Man..... i wanna finish at least 35 pages today. So, i better leave you, my bloggie now. See you again in real soon. Thank you for listening! :D