8.30pm
Here am i, with myself, only. I feel awful with the very first wrong step. People are saying i am lucky enough to secure such an opportunity but i see it now as a dead end! I am stucked in the middle of no where. I can't move forward and at the same time, i can't step back as well.
My heart is aching seeing myself pouring those money into the deep sea, without giving me any hopes and returns. Loneliness is part of me now, i don't have any friends but just books and books and more books. I hate my current life and at this instance, i would rather trade my credits to those in Japan. I simply willing will at this stage.
It is just a matter of time for my weaken heart to recover to its previous condition, and i guess, it will recover more when i feel the warmth of others and find myself a cup of coffee that feed-me in well.
My sadness is with me now, walking towards the darkness that i wouldn't want to go in but leave me with no choice to do so.
8.45pm
Fine fine, i am alright now! After pouring, i feel much better, back to the usual me! Man.. i seriously cannot talk about sensitive issue to my mum, really makes my eyedrops rolling down my cheeks and most of the time, Probabilty is as high as 95%+!
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